I was just reading someone's blog and I wonder why I don't have a bucket list...I know there are things I want to do...but I have never put it to writing...well, I have but that list is probably sitting in the depths of my piles of paper waiting to be sorted (I'm still waiting for the organizational fairy to come along and do it). So, I will start one and then add to it as I think of new stuff.
Peggy's Bucket List
Some of my bucket list
* Swim with dolphins
* To model either in a catalog or do a runway show
* Travel to Italy
* To take Abby to Disney World
* To get a tattoo
* To be a teacher (for either pre-school or kindergarten or primary grades)
* To get rid of my Celiac
* To raise Abby to be smart, kind, strong and brave
* To stay at an all-inclusive resort
* Go to Hawaii (Kauai)
* Become a published author (paid)
* Go rock climbing
* Do something that makes me feel proud of myself even if it is just for myself (whether it's photography, art, scrapbooks, decorating, etc)
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Lyrics that really nail me right now
Yes, I know this is going to seem depressing but this song really nails it on the head how I've been feeling, especially in the last year.
UNWELL BY MATCHBOX TWENTY
All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
UNWELL BY MATCHBOX TWENTY
All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Random Marriage Advice
It's amazing how the simplest things can make life so much easier. I definitely need to remember these things more often...maybe I should stick it up on the fridge??
Marriage Advice
Never assume.
Compliment more than you criticize.
For each time you vent about your husband/wife to your friends, tell three positive stories.
Remember that it is ok to do things differently (laundry, changing diapers, etc).
Always make time for the two of you.
Marry someone that you enjoy listening and talking to.
Remember that the best gift that you can give your children is to love their spouse.
Never go to bed angry. (Unless it's 3a.m. and you're exhausted, angry, and not thinking straight.)
Remember that people do fight. It's how you do it that matters.
Before starting an argument, consider if it's really worth it.
Fight naked. ;)
Agree to disagree.
Never, ever mention the "D" word (divorce).
Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?
Respect each other's privacy.
Remember that "love is like childhood. You need to learn to share."
Marriage is not 50/50, it's two people giving 100/100 all of the time.
Surprise each other now and then.
Have date night!
Never pass up an opportunity to say "I love you".
Hold hands.
Hug & kiss every day.
Always believe that you got better than you deserved.
Be quick to say "I'm sorry".
Choose the one you love, then love the one you choose.
Keep the in-laws out of your marriage!
Love isn't always a feeling, it's a decision.
Hang in there. It's worth it.
Play nice, play often, love much.
Never air your dirty laundry as a couple in public.
Never keep secrets from each other.
Be each other's champion. No matter what, take your husband or wife's side first!
Communication is the key!
Always respect each other.
Never underestimate the power of a good belly-laugh and don't be afraid to laugh at yourself.
It's the little things that matter most.
Never use the words 'Always' and 'Never' in a fight.
It's ok to argue, but never use curse words to express your anger.
Never compare your marriage to others. What you see on the outside is not always what it is on the inside.
Don't make love in the same place/position everytime. Variety is the spice of life!
Marriage Advice
Never assume.
Compliment more than you criticize.
For each time you vent about your husband/wife to your friends, tell three positive stories.
Remember that it is ok to do things differently (laundry, changing diapers, etc).
Always make time for the two of you.
Marry someone that you enjoy listening and talking to.
Remember that the best gift that you can give your children is to love their spouse.
Never go to bed angry. (Unless it's 3a.m. and you're exhausted, angry, and not thinking straight.)
Remember that people do fight. It's how you do it that matters.
Before starting an argument, consider if it's really worth it.
Fight naked. ;)
Agree to disagree.
Never, ever mention the "D" word (divorce).
Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?
Respect each other's privacy.
Remember that "love is like childhood. You need to learn to share."
Marriage is not 50/50, it's two people giving 100/100 all of the time.
Surprise each other now and then.
Have date night!
Never pass up an opportunity to say "I love you".
Hold hands.
Hug & kiss every day.
Always believe that you got better than you deserved.
Be quick to say "I'm sorry".
Choose the one you love, then love the one you choose.
Keep the in-laws out of your marriage!
Love isn't always a feeling, it's a decision.
Hang in there. It's worth it.
Play nice, play often, love much.
Never air your dirty laundry as a couple in public.
Never keep secrets from each other.
Be each other's champion. No matter what, take your husband or wife's side first!
Communication is the key!
Always respect each other.
Never underestimate the power of a good belly-laugh and don't be afraid to laugh at yourself.
It's the little things that matter most.
Never use the words 'Always' and 'Never' in a fight.
It's ok to argue, but never use curse words to express your anger.
Never compare your marriage to others. What you see on the outside is not always what it is on the inside.
Don't make love in the same place/position everytime. Variety is the spice of life!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Run away as fast as you can
So, I'm currently working on planning a getaway...well, two actually. It started with a random thought that my best friend, Niki, and I had never gone away anywhere together. Sure, we shopped, danced, ate, laughed our faces off but have never travelled anywhere together. So I thought it was WAAAYYY overdue...plus we've been friends for over 14 years and we ain't getting any younger! But where? I had considered a wild weekend in Vegas, but neither of us are gamblers and honestly, I don't think I can afford to do anything while we would be there and then, how much fun would that really be? A balmy beautiful island? Hmm...again, cost cost cost...and she was turning 40 this year but her birthday is in December and 5 days before Christmas so trying to do something major would be almost impossible. But something in the summer? Way easier...
Then I was driving home one day and "Boys of Summer" by Don Henley came on...talk about a perfect summer song. "And i can see you, your brown skin shining in the sun, you got your hair combed back, sunglasses on baby..." And I thought of all those lazy days at the beach growing up (I'm a beach baby from NB) and how the sun warms your skin, the smell of the fresh salty air and nothing to stress about. Bingo! We needed a beach...but landlocked in Ontario, REAL beaches (with SALT WATER) are non-existent...so I needed the next best thing. All the ambiance with fresh water. Here were the choices (that I knew of) Wasaga Beach and Sauble Beach. I had been to both and felt like Wasaga was more of a party beach/town...a la Jersey Shore and god knows I am NOT Snooki...though I AM pretty klutzy! Sauble was more lazy, family orientated, which truthfully is how we are now...lazy and family-like! So I asked Niki and we decided to look into renting a cottage up in Sauble...after much research, it was either spend a ton for something half-way decent or spend less and sleep in borderline ghetto place...hmmm...Then I thought of Crystal Beach. I always forget about that area because it's A) Lake Erie and B)Not in "official" cottage country. But it's just as warm and sunny, plenty of beach and would give us the same experience...maybe even for less. And, bonus? It's less than an hour away! BIG difference than Sauble (at least 2-3 hours through backroad country) or Wasaga (3-4 hours through major highways and everyone else in the frigging province going away!) so Crystal was looking better and better. Also, as I was planning our girls only weekend getaway, I thought "Man, my hubby and I could really use a romantic, us-only getaway too!" And our anniversary is in August too...so we could have a REAL anniversary (other than the traditional dinner and movie). So I thought maybe we could do two separate weekends and space them out. One problem...they don't take partial weeks in the summer months. Damn! So I thought what if I book the cottage, my hubby comes for part of the week and Niki comes for the other half? Unfortunately, I can take time off at the beginning of the month because of being in production the second half of the month, so I had to plan it ASAP. I get the best of both worlds and a total week of vegging and sun. The only downside is I'm away from my cute little angel for a whole week, but I even have a plan for that. My parents, who will watch her while my hubby is there with me, will also be celebrating their anniversary on the same date as us, so they will come down on the second last day my hubby is there to spend a day with us at the cottage/beach and then they will leave and my hubby and I keep Abby for the night and my hubby brings her home the following day, when Niki arrives later on. Ooh, now I just have to wait another month before I get to lay on a beach and take in the sunshine and warm weather in my bikini and...wait, crap...I gotta get in shape!!!
Then I was driving home one day and "Boys of Summer" by Don Henley came on...talk about a perfect summer song. "And i can see you, your brown skin shining in the sun, you got your hair combed back, sunglasses on baby..." And I thought of all those lazy days at the beach growing up (I'm a beach baby from NB) and how the sun warms your skin, the smell of the fresh salty air and nothing to stress about. Bingo! We needed a beach...but landlocked in Ontario, REAL beaches (with SALT WATER) are non-existent...so I needed the next best thing. All the ambiance with fresh water. Here were the choices (that I knew of) Wasaga Beach and Sauble Beach. I had been to both and felt like Wasaga was more of a party beach/town...a la Jersey Shore and god knows I am NOT Snooki...though I AM pretty klutzy! Sauble was more lazy, family orientated, which truthfully is how we are now...lazy and family-like! So I asked Niki and we decided to look into renting a cottage up in Sauble...after much research, it was either spend a ton for something half-way decent or spend less and sleep in borderline ghetto place...hmmm...Then I thought of Crystal Beach. I always forget about that area because it's A) Lake Erie and B)Not in "official" cottage country. But it's just as warm and sunny, plenty of beach and would give us the same experience...maybe even for less. And, bonus? It's less than an hour away! BIG difference than Sauble (at least 2-3 hours through backroad country) or Wasaga (3-4 hours through major highways and everyone else in the frigging province going away!) so Crystal was looking better and better. Also, as I was planning our girls only weekend getaway, I thought "Man, my hubby and I could really use a romantic, us-only getaway too!" And our anniversary is in August too...so we could have a REAL anniversary (other than the traditional dinner and movie). So I thought maybe we could do two separate weekends and space them out. One problem...they don't take partial weeks in the summer months. Damn! So I thought what if I book the cottage, my hubby comes for part of the week and Niki comes for the other half? Unfortunately, I can take time off at the beginning of the month because of being in production the second half of the month, so I had to plan it ASAP. I get the best of both worlds and a total week of vegging and sun. The only downside is I'm away from my cute little angel for a whole week, but I even have a plan for that. My parents, who will watch her while my hubby is there with me, will also be celebrating their anniversary on the same date as us, so they will come down on the second last day my hubby is there to spend a day with us at the cottage/beach and then they will leave and my hubby and I keep Abby for the night and my hubby brings her home the following day, when Niki arrives later on. Ooh, now I just have to wait another month before I get to lay on a beach and take in the sunshine and warm weather in my bikini and...wait, crap...I gotta get in shape!!!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Might as well face it, she's addicted to...SHREK!
I have a confession to make...my kid is addicted to Shrek. Yep, the big green Ogre in the movies...she loves the big green lug. She loves Donkey, Puss in Boots, Fiona, Gingy, Dragon and the Ogre babies. I blame Clayton. As we were getting sick of Mickey Mouse, Handy Manny and other shows constantly on repeat in our toddler's world, he decided one afternoon to put on Shrek for a change of pace...way to go hun! Now, Abby is hooked like a crack addict. Thank GOD we have all four, plus the Christmas one...and the Halloween one...and the straight to DVD Donkey Christmas Spectacular...she gets up in the morning "Donkey?" We get home from the store "Donkey? Shrek?" We get in the car "Donkey? Momma?" I can now find all the hidden things about Shrek that no one else even KNOWS about...for example, in Shrek the Third, Rumpelstiltskin is one guy...but then in the Shrek Forever After, the guy is COMPLETELY different! Yep, this stuff will keep me up at night, wondering why. I won't go into all the stuff I've noticed but as far as I'm concerned, if she's addicted to that over say, that In the Night Garden or Yo Gabba Gabba...I'm ok with that. It's the one thing that she will sit down and actually WATCH. I'm even wondering if when that Puss in Boots movie comes out, we could take her...hmm...not sure...maybe...yeah, probably not. Clayton and I can now almost completely recite all the movies...and the worst part is that BEFORE all this, we have seen each movie several times because Bella was hooked on Shrek too so I think we should start getting some of the profits cause we're keeping the green dude in circulation...
Monday, June 13, 2011
What to think about today?
Today, on my long...very long(!) drive to work, I was thinking about who I am. These days (probably longer than I care to admit), I have been lost. I don't know who I am. I am NOT happy with myself but can't see how to change myself. My day is filled with commuting, work, commuting and then getting Abby fed, bathed and then bed. Then? Well, then I'm done...most nights I can barely get myself fed and then collapse into bed. My poor husband and cat are fighting for rights of who is getting more neglected (right now, Clayton is winning for sheer volume). Repeat for 5 days and then the weekend is spent getting laundry done, trying to clean the house (or avoid cleaning the house), working on dealing with our backyard, spending time with friends and family and getting groceries or other chores done and then BAM! before you know it, it's Sunday evening and rinse and repeat all over again...so how do I change? When do I find the time? I already get so little time with Abby that doing stuff during the week that takes me away from her causes me more stress. I get two hours a day with her if I'm lucky and then the weekend. I only have limited vacation time and even then, have already used some of it and only have four precious days left. So how do I change myself, my perception of myself, fix myself and when I am waiting to meet with a therapist (who I have no idea when I'm going to find time to see THEM), I still have to take my cat to the vet, go on a date with my husband, pick up a card and present for a birthday party, plan Father's Day...I feel like the second I start thinking about making changes in my life, my life YELLS at me to get stuff done. I still have piles of "crap" (as my husband likes to call it) tottering dangerously in Abby's playroom to go through, organize...I have photo albums I want to do, scrapbooks I'd love to work on, projects that I've given up on but hope I will eventually finish. I try to squeeze in stuff I need to do on my lunch break, I'm baffled at people who get so much amazing stuff done. I feel like a total failure...I get NOTHING accomplished and yet, part of me, doesn't care...the other part? I'm in denial and hope I can figure all this out before my marriage falls apart, my kid grows up, my cat ages and dies and I fall apart...
So, overall, yeah, I'm doing SUPER great right now...shakes head...gotta get it together...gotta air out the junk and then get rid of the junk and then figure out how the heck to get stuff accomplished in my life!! Wish me luck...hell, wish me energy...I need a nap...
So, overall, yeah, I'm doing SUPER great right now...shakes head...gotta get it together...gotta air out the junk and then get rid of the junk and then figure out how the heck to get stuff accomplished in my life!! Wish me luck...hell, wish me energy...I need a nap...
Monday, June 6, 2011
Welcome to Worrywart World...I will be your host!
Today I will NOT worry...yeah right! I try, oh I try...but all I do the whole day through is worry...
What do I really worry about anyway? Oh yeah, I know the answer to this…CRAP! I obsess about it, dream about it (that, and random guys…mmm…whoops!) and can’t turn my brain off it. There was a quote I read once that made sense to me:
“Run within yourself”
So basically, stop trying to keep up with everyone else and just run your own race. Does it matter if my counter is constantly cluttered with papers? Or that I never seem to get around to reading all the books on my shelf? Or that I have photo albums to do and scrapbooks to finish (or start)? Yep, these are the things that bug me. It doesn’t help that my husband gets on me about it too, which leads me to feeling guilty and frustrated. I tell him to leave it alone but he’s obsessive about stuff too so I usually get mad, throw everything into a bag and deal with it later…I now have six bags of “crap” on the go…but they all have things in them I need to deal with.
I need to make the decision to stop worrying about what I can’t change. I need to eat less junk food and more healthy stuff. I need to go back to yoga. I need to declutter my life. I just have to figure out where to start.
Every day, I have ambition to do stuff and every night I go to bed, thinking “I’ll just do it tomorrow.” What worries me is that all that stuff that doesn’t get done will pile up and I’ll never get ANYTHING done. I even try picking ONE task and completely finishing it…but it never seems to happen anymore. And then I get all panicky (like right now as I type this) and need to go lay down to calm myself...or get out of the house.
Anxiety plagues me as I think about all the stuff I want to do...but honestly, will I ever get this stuff done? I really really want to have a photo album of my wedding all nice and organized. I really want to not have piles of papers to go through. But it's like I get rid of a bunch of stuff and then I want to do something and POOF! It all rewinds to the start and I'm sitting there thinking "I can do this...and then this...then...well, maybe not tonight...but tomorrow for sure...but..."
Baby steps, I know...
What do I really worry about anyway? Oh yeah, I know the answer to this…CRAP! I obsess about it, dream about it (that, and random guys…mmm…whoops!) and can’t turn my brain off it. There was a quote I read once that made sense to me:
“Run within yourself”
So basically, stop trying to keep up with everyone else and just run your own race. Does it matter if my counter is constantly cluttered with papers? Or that I never seem to get around to reading all the books on my shelf? Or that I have photo albums to do and scrapbooks to finish (or start)? Yep, these are the things that bug me. It doesn’t help that my husband gets on me about it too, which leads me to feeling guilty and frustrated. I tell him to leave it alone but he’s obsessive about stuff too so I usually get mad, throw everything into a bag and deal with it later…I now have six bags of “crap” on the go…but they all have things in them I need to deal with.
I need to make the decision to stop worrying about what I can’t change. I need to eat less junk food and more healthy stuff. I need to go back to yoga. I need to declutter my life. I just have to figure out where to start.
Every day, I have ambition to do stuff and every night I go to bed, thinking “I’ll just do it tomorrow.” What worries me is that all that stuff that doesn’t get done will pile up and I’ll never get ANYTHING done. I even try picking ONE task and completely finishing it…but it never seems to happen anymore. And then I get all panicky (like right now as I type this) and need to go lay down to calm myself...or get out of the house.
Anxiety plagues me as I think about all the stuff I want to do...but honestly, will I ever get this stuff done? I really really want to have a photo album of my wedding all nice and organized. I really want to not have piles of papers to go through. But it's like I get rid of a bunch of stuff and then I want to do something and POOF! It all rewinds to the start and I'm sitting there thinking "I can do this...and then this...then...well, maybe not tonight...but tomorrow for sure...but..."
Baby steps, I know...
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