Lately, I have been thinking about my past...not that it matters but I think of it. I long for those carefree days when there was no pressure, I felt happier (even when I was going through teen hell), summer was fun and I looked forward to things. I know I have changed, life happened. I am older but still I dwell on those old memories, old feelings. Like having them again will change things or make me feel better (cause I know, deep down, that they really won't). Nothing is ever as good as it was when you first remember it...which is why you long for it again. A first boyfriend, the anticipation of a first kiss, feeling like this sexy person that can flirt, have fun and not have any guards up.
But before you think the worst of me, I love my husband very much. He knows me more than anyone else. He gets me, he fights for me. He supports me, he holds me. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that. But still, the memories flitter through my mind. So how do I try not to wish for those feelings again? It would be awesome if you could just magically have those feelings again? It's like a drug rush. But oh well...since I am not going back in a time machine to being 13 and in love for the first time, I must get over it and focus on my marriage and making THOSE feelings stronger and stronger so that when I am feeling nostalgic, I can shrug and say "Please...that was so lame!" Sigh...
Monday, September 12, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
How to live more economically
In the aftermath of my little girl's second birthday and with Christmas looming precariously in the near future (yes, I said it...Christmas!), money is tight in our household. My Visa has more on it than I would like to admit and we are looking at ways to cut back. The worst part is that when I look at the frugal websites, I'm doing all the right things...so where is my money?
1. Bringing your own instead of buying. I am NOT one of those people queuing for three hours every morning at Timmie's. I make my tea at home and me and my flask drive the commute together. Also, I seldom eat out for lunch. I brown bag it every day, whether it's leftovers or stuff I buy along with our groceries just for lunch.
2. Clip coupons. I do it. I clip them. But then, like my bags that I'm supposed to bring with me, I forget them at home...I need to be better at this one.
3. Wash laundry in cold water. I do this...in fact, we NEVER use hot water. But we do need to get back to using our drying rack to cut back on using our dryer.
4. Turning lights off. We're getting better at this. We have a motion sensor on the one so it only turns one when you walk into the room. It is awful funny to watch people freak when they are standing there and then it shuts off! But I am working on this one too. I have gotten better!
5. Using those funky lights that use less energy. Thanks to my hubby, almost all of our lightbulbs are the energy saving ones...so score one for us! Plus, we have a programmable thermostat which I know is a huge cost savings.
However, we still have a lot to work on, namely:
1. Eating out. We like to order pizza or go out for dinner once in a while. Even grabbing a bite at the fast food places can add up.
2. Buying stuff we don't need. I'm a sucker for sales and dollar stores are a huge weakeness. Does Abby need more toys or do I need another soup ladle? Here is where I need to limit going to stores to avoid purchasing "stuff"
3. Groceries. We spend way more than I want to. I'm working on that too. I found that keeping a list, sticking to it and writing down the price of EVERYTHING and tallying it WHILE shopping, keeps me on task...but it's a lot of work to do it and time consuming...hence the problem. Plus, having to buy gluten free IS more expensive so I try to buy more stuff that I can make than prepackaged cookies or snacks...it's hard though...I like convenience...it's so...CONVENIENT!
4. Stuff for Abby. Growing up with a single working parent, we didn't have a lot of extra stuff. I have a hard time NOT getting stuff for Abby. I try to limit myself to birthday, Christmas and other holidays but why do all girls' clothes and toys have to be so damn cute? It's not fair. I know she doesn't care what she wears...but I really would love to be able to buy more cute, fun clothes and not just buy the necessities. I'm working on it...
But it doesn't feel like the sacrifices have been helping. I haven't gotten my haircut since um, March (??), don't get pedicures, manicures, don't have a gym membership or take any classes (I didn't even take yoga, trying to save money)...so where is my money going??
Gas (I spend $500 a month with me commuting from Grimsby to Mississauga alone)
Food (groceries, eating out, ordering in, lunch food, etc)
Therapy (I have to pay up front and have no idea how much mine and Clayton's coverage will cover)
Shoppers (prescriptions-again, covered but have to pay up front)
My Visa keeps creeping higher and higher...ahh! I need to fix my monetary self! Sigh...shoot me...
1. Bringing your own instead of buying. I am NOT one of those people queuing for three hours every morning at Timmie's. I make my tea at home and me and my flask drive the commute together. Also, I seldom eat out for lunch. I brown bag it every day, whether it's leftovers or stuff I buy along with our groceries just for lunch.
2. Clip coupons. I do it. I clip them. But then, like my bags that I'm supposed to bring with me, I forget them at home...I need to be better at this one.
3. Wash laundry in cold water. I do this...in fact, we NEVER use hot water. But we do need to get back to using our drying rack to cut back on using our dryer.
4. Turning lights off. We're getting better at this. We have a motion sensor on the one so it only turns one when you walk into the room. It is awful funny to watch people freak when they are standing there and then it shuts off! But I am working on this one too. I have gotten better!
5. Using those funky lights that use less energy. Thanks to my hubby, almost all of our lightbulbs are the energy saving ones...so score one for us! Plus, we have a programmable thermostat which I know is a huge cost savings.
However, we still have a lot to work on, namely:
1. Eating out. We like to order pizza or go out for dinner once in a while. Even grabbing a bite at the fast food places can add up.
2. Buying stuff we don't need. I'm a sucker for sales and dollar stores are a huge weakeness. Does Abby need more toys or do I need another soup ladle? Here is where I need to limit going to stores to avoid purchasing "stuff"
3. Groceries. We spend way more than I want to. I'm working on that too. I found that keeping a list, sticking to it and writing down the price of EVERYTHING and tallying it WHILE shopping, keeps me on task...but it's a lot of work to do it and time consuming...hence the problem. Plus, having to buy gluten free IS more expensive so I try to buy more stuff that I can make than prepackaged cookies or snacks...it's hard though...I like convenience...it's so...CONVENIENT!
4. Stuff for Abby. Growing up with a single working parent, we didn't have a lot of extra stuff. I have a hard time NOT getting stuff for Abby. I try to limit myself to birthday, Christmas and other holidays but why do all girls' clothes and toys have to be so damn cute? It's not fair. I know she doesn't care what she wears...but I really would love to be able to buy more cute, fun clothes and not just buy the necessities. I'm working on it...
But it doesn't feel like the sacrifices have been helping. I haven't gotten my haircut since um, March (??), don't get pedicures, manicures, don't have a gym membership or take any classes (I didn't even take yoga, trying to save money)...so where is my money going??
Gas (I spend $500 a month with me commuting from Grimsby to Mississauga alone)
Food (groceries, eating out, ordering in, lunch food, etc)
Therapy (I have to pay up front and have no idea how much mine and Clayton's coverage will cover)
Shoppers (prescriptions-again, covered but have to pay up front)
My Visa keeps creeping higher and higher...ahh! I need to fix my monetary self! Sigh...shoot me...
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
What makes me happy?
I think I need to keep a list handy so that when I’m down (which has been A LOT lately, I know…not good), I can read it and at least feel like SOMETHING in my life isn’t completely messed up.
WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY
1. Getting to leave work early and the traffic is light and it’s sunny and I have the windows down and there is awesome fun music on the radio.
2. That moment when I slide into bed and know that I get to go to sleep or read a little. It just feels so good.
3. When Abby gives me a hug or kiss without me begging her to. I could die a happy death feeling that love coming off her.
4. Peanut butter…yep, right out of the jar!
5. Sitting down with a Chai Tea Latte and time to actually drink it.
6. Feeling the breeze on my face when it’s cool but not cold and the sun is warm on my skin.
7. Hearing Abby laugh or giggle and seeing her little face all scrunched up and totally adorable.
8. Sliding into Clayton’s arms when I’m having a rough time. He is my rock.
9. Having my mom brush my hair with her fingers. I may be like 10 inches taller than her but if I sit next to her on the couch, she will pull me into her for a hug and stroke my hair…I feel so relaxed, like a child again.
10. Laying on the bed and my cat comes up the bed. I put out my arm, he lays down right in the crook of my armpit and body and just purrs, licks my fingers and my nose and I lay my hand on his back and feel his soft warm fur beneath my fingers…it’s like therapy.
11. When I’m sick and Owen comes and sleeps on the bed with me all day…even though he usually lays on the chair downstairs during the day. I call him Nurse Owen for taking care of me!
That's all I have right now, but whenever I think of something else, I will add it...
WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY
1. Getting to leave work early and the traffic is light and it’s sunny and I have the windows down and there is awesome fun music on the radio.
2. That moment when I slide into bed and know that I get to go to sleep or read a little. It just feels so good.
3. When Abby gives me a hug or kiss without me begging her to. I could die a happy death feeling that love coming off her.
4. Peanut butter…yep, right out of the jar!
5. Sitting down with a Chai Tea Latte and time to actually drink it.
6. Feeling the breeze on my face when it’s cool but not cold and the sun is warm on my skin.
7. Hearing Abby laugh or giggle and seeing her little face all scrunched up and totally adorable.
8. Sliding into Clayton’s arms when I’m having a rough time. He is my rock.
9. Having my mom brush my hair with her fingers. I may be like 10 inches taller than her but if I sit next to her on the couch, she will pull me into her for a hug and stroke my hair…I feel so relaxed, like a child again.
10. Laying on the bed and my cat comes up the bed. I put out my arm, he lays down right in the crook of my armpit and body and just purrs, licks my fingers and my nose and I lay my hand on his back and feel his soft warm fur beneath my fingers…it’s like therapy.
11. When I’m sick and Owen comes and sleeps on the bed with me all day…even though he usually lays on the chair downstairs during the day. I call him Nurse Owen for taking care of me!
That's all I have right now, but whenever I think of something else, I will add it...
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