Today I will NOT worry...yeah right! I try, oh I try...but all I do the whole day through is worry...
What do I really worry about anyway? Oh yeah, I know the answer to this…CRAP! I obsess about it, dream about it (that, and random guys…mmm…whoops!) and can’t turn my brain off it. There was a quote I read once that made sense to me:
“Run within yourself”
So basically, stop trying to keep up with everyone else and just run your own race. Does it matter if my counter is constantly cluttered with papers? Or that I never seem to get around to reading all the books on my shelf? Or that I have photo albums to do and scrapbooks to finish (or start)? Yep, these are the things that bug me. It doesn’t help that my husband gets on me about it too, which leads me to feeling guilty and frustrated. I tell him to leave it alone but he’s obsessive about stuff too so I usually get mad, throw everything into a bag and deal with it later…I now have six bags of “crap” on the go…but they all have things in them I need to deal with.
I need to make the decision to stop worrying about what I can’t change. I need to eat less junk food and more healthy stuff. I need to go back to yoga. I need to declutter my life. I just have to figure out where to start.
Every day, I have ambition to do stuff and every night I go to bed, thinking “I’ll just do it tomorrow.” What worries me is that all that stuff that doesn’t get done will pile up and I’ll never get ANYTHING done. I even try picking ONE task and completely finishing it…but it never seems to happen anymore. And then I get all panicky (like right now as I type this) and need to go lay down to calm myself...or get out of the house.
Anxiety plagues me as I think about all the stuff I want to do...but honestly, will I ever get this stuff done? I really really want to have a photo album of my wedding all nice and organized. I really want to not have piles of papers to go through. But it's like I get rid of a bunch of stuff and then I want to do something and POOF! It all rewinds to the start and I'm sitting there thinking "I can do this...and then this...then...well, maybe not tonight...but tomorrow for sure...but..."
Baby steps, I know...
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